It has been ages since I have been in public pool...and I hate them.....no, that word doesn't cover it...I actually despise them. We had decided to take our 10 month old swimming, since many of our friends had done so with their wee ones and said the kiddies just loved it.
I had kind of been putting it off...procrastinating...but unsure as to why. So we finally found a day that worked with our schedules, we packed up (which is a huge pain in the ass to pack for swimming myself, let alone a husband and baby) and off we went to a local Vancouver community pool.
We parked...all was well...then we got close to the main entrance and I started to get this panicky feeling as soon as I smelled the strong odor of chlorine.....but in we went....the disgusted comments I had made about the smell went unappreciated by my husband unfortunately. The lady at the front desk was so smiley and cheerful..."have a great time" she says, but I know secretly she is smirking behind her clean, dry desk...thinking you sick fucks....there is no way I would take my child into this pool.
Ivan and I part ways...me with child, and into the women's area we go to change and I really start to panic....not because of all the women in there with their 1970's jungle bushes crawling about... and not because of the saggy boobs (After becoming a mom, I no longer judge) not even because of the smell of wet, chlorinated bum....but the disgusting layer of warm, slime that coats the change room floor (I just barfed in my mouth)....you know it...you feel it....its kind of thick...and has lots of pubes and long dark hairs caught in it...all swirled about...not to mention the stray band-aids and general bits of grossness everywhere. I want to cry....I want to leave immediately...but my boy...must do it for the boy.
Clearly I must love my son a lot to do this for him...I remember when my mom used to take my brother and I to the YMCA or the family leisure center to swim...I hated it (and she confirmed this today). Shayne and I would play this disturbing game....so if you HAD to.....would you rather lick the floor of the leisure center or eat one of the floating band-aids (sick, twisted little shits we were). But this gives you some indication of how gross we think swimming pools are...or at least the change rooms.
Anyway, I lay my adorable little son on the gross bench while a group of Chinese women goo goo gaa gaa over him... I try to protect him from their naked butts and hairy moles. I manage to get into my bathing suit and lock up our stuff in the locker...I inserted the quarter and have one brief moment of happy nostalgia...whenever I had to wait for mom to have her shower after swimming, I would go around and feel the little slot in every locker looking for forgotten quarters...sometimes I would collect a whole dollar or two, and this apparently made the entire swimming experience worth it. Dutch and I scurry out into the pool area...where everyone is laughing and playing....and all I can think is, this is one giant disgusting bath filled with gross, dirty people who now think they are clean because they are in water....but my son LOVES it. He is squealing with delight...daddy throws him up in the air and then dips his chubby little toes in the water and he giggles away. He crawls through the shallow end, and splashes himself...we take him over to the little lazy river and float around and around and he is in his glory. It's really adorable, I am actually glad we came.
We enjoy playing with the little dude splish splashing away....he had so much fun....and we did too. But now, my hubby and I are done...ready to leave...the fun has worn off and I felt like I had made enough sacrifice for one day/week/year. Uggggg....back to the dreaded change rooms. We quickly shower and head into that damn women's change room and....( you may barf if you have a weak stomach) I swear I saw an effin blood clot on the floor....I seriously almost fainted. I grabbed our shit out of the locker and put my dry clothes over my wet bathing suit as I couldn't bear to stay in there a moment longer....I can't even begin to analyze what I just said above...I don't want to...I will be haunted forever.
Is there a moral to this story...hmmmmm....well...I guess having kids sure makes you do a lot of gross shit that you really don't want to do, but you love them so much, you do it anyway.
Enjoy.
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